Just Say Hi

I love the outdoors. And it's really weird, because all throughout my childhood and teenage years, I never cared for it. I enjoyed the occasional trip to the beach, and that was about it. That changed around my 18th birthday, thanks to a girlfriend and some of my closest friends who shared their passions for the outdoors with me. Ever since then, I've fallen in love with the mountains, the trees, birds, lakes, and the grass. I try to spend as much time in nature as my day allows.

So yesterday, I took my bike along a segment of this 87-mile stretch in CT called the Farmington Canal Trail. It once served as CT's version of the Erie Canal, responsible for shipping goods to towns to increase trade and commerce. The railroad system surfaced a few decades later, and so tracks were laid over the canal as the new preferred method of shipping. After sitting idly for several decades in the later 1900s, the defunct tracks were paved over, encouraging walkers, bikers, skaters, and roller bladers an avenue to take in nature for everything it offers us.

I've found it's the interactions that make my time in the natural world so special. I can remember the first time I went hiking three summers ago. Every time Meaghan, Makala, Ben and I passed someone, we all exchanged greetings. We often stopped others for conversation, asking others how the view at the top was. Just chit-chat, but the kind of small talk I had never engaged in before. And I thought that was the coolest thing.

About a month ago, I went for a solo hike in Washington, CT. After reaching the peak, I sat on a boulder and took in the view. I then began to sing out loud. Not long after, a woman arrived at the top just as I was belting out the chorus of a Dave Matthews song. She went off to sit on another rock, probably wondering what the hell I was doing. But after some time, we exchanged greetings and struck up conversation. A 30-year-old writer, she found herself in a little crisis. She had nearly convinced herself it was time to leave her life in CT for one in North Carolina, where she would live in a small house in an isolated area so she could focus on building a fledgling writing career. She came to the mountain that day to try and talk herself out of moving, because she knew it would be so difficult to leave behind the mountains, and the trees, and the peace. The thought of leaving this terrified her.

As total strangers, we talked for a half-an-hour. I recall hearing a stat that somewhere between 60 and 70 percent of people never stray more than 20 minutes away from where they grew up. I told her that, and that she shouldn't become a number. So do it. If you fail, you fail. But you don't want to kick yourself years down the road for never taking that chance. After our conversation, we parted ways and I headed back down the mountain.

I hope she moved. If she did, I can't wait to buy her first book.

The Aesop's Fable moral of these stories about my experiences in nature is this, just say hi. You never know where it could lead you.

How many times do you walk down a hallway at school, at work, in the mall, and pass by someone and act like he/she doesn't exist? You stare straight ahead, locked in your own world, and completely ignore the existence of another human being. Think about that.

I want you to stop doing that, for a plethora of reasons. Number one, you could deprive yourself of a conversation like I had with the woman on the mountain. The second and more important reason, you never know what someone is going through.

Let me repeat, you never know what someone is going through.

I've made it a priority over the last few years to greet people, even if they're total strangers (as long as you think this person isn't a threat). Say hi and smile, ask someone how he/she is doing, make a small comment about how you like their shoes. That person could find himself/herself in the midst of a terrible day. I know this, I've been there. I've been down in the dumps before, and some random person has greeted me and actually lifted my spirits and restored my faith in humanity. I'm not exaggerating. You would be surprised the impact that a greeting or some other random act of kindness could have on someone's life.

I believe all lessons in life can find roots in Friends or Seinfeld. Let's look at an episode of the former. A supply manager named Earl, ironically portrayed by Jason Alexander (George in Seinfeld), claims he wants to kill himself. Phoebe calls him to see if he wants to buy any toner for his office. He replies, saying he doesn't need any toner, because he plans on committing suicide. With Phoebe on the phone, he announces to the office that he plans on killing himself, and not one person reacts to it. But Phoebe, always the optimist, tells him why suicide is not the answer, and he decides not to.

I'll be honest, I wanted this blog post to start off with a rant about the Santa Fe shootings and then tie it in to the moral of my hiking and Friends stories. These mass shootings rile me up every time, and the lack of action and accountability on the parts of our "leaders" upsets me.

And I can't help but think that if the Santa Fe, Virginia Tech, Columbine, Newtown, Aurora, Charleston, Las Vegas, Orlando, or Parkland shooters had just had some more love in their lives, perhaps these tragedies wouldn't have happened. Call me naive like everyone else does, but I stand by it.

The common trend among all these shooters is this desire to take their frustrations out on other people. Often a spouse, friend, or classmate has wronged the shooter. Or people make fun of them. Or never acknowledge that person's existence.

Which is something you might do every day.

Had others not made these individuals feel like outcasts, like they aren't loved or appreciated or welcomed, it's possible they never would have felt compelled to carry out these abhorred acts.

And let me be clear, in NO WAY am I defending them. Every single one of them deserves a lifetime in a cell with no sunlight for all of the irreparable damage they've caused. But don't you think, that maybe, just maybe, had one person, or maybe even two, said hi to Dimitrios Pagourtzis, or performed some random act of kindness for him the day before, that he may have snapped out of it? That he wouldn't want to walk in to an art class and shoot every which way?

To quote one of my biggest inspirations, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I get everyone's frustrations. Trust me, I'm frustrated too. But just airing grievances at the government and the NRA and the Constitution isn't making this problem go away. Listen, I respect those Parkland students fighting for gun control, but let's be honest. The legislative process takes so long and so many people have to sign off. Politics will not stop these school shootings from happening. Limiting the number of entrances will not stop them. Arming teachers will not stop them. But we can stop them. With our words. With our actions. With love.

Think back to the Friends analogy. Earl announced his intent to commit suicide, and no one responded. You can think of those people as the majority of the public, the portion that is so locked in to their own worlds and acts like you don't exist when they walk by you. But then there's Phoebe, the person who makes a simple gesture by showing some compassion for a fellow human being and making him feel like he's worth something. That the world is a better place with him in it.

I challenge you all to find your inner Phoebe.

And do me a favor, say hi along the way.