Diplomacy

A huge thank you to everyone who shared my letter last week and/or responded with some kind words.  If it inspired just one person to write another letter to the state of New York, then I know I did my job. If you haven't read that letter, here's the link: 

https://troyfarkas.blogspot.com/2018/05/a-letter_31.html

If you would like to write a letter of your own explaining why you think the state should deny parole to Dennis Drue, please contact me and I will tell you how to do so.


I loved U.S. history so much after high school that I stuck with it and declared it my major in college. As much as I loved learning about famous names, dates, and governmental policies, all of my favorite sub-topics centered on foreign relations. I love studying every war we've ever participated in, except for that dumb War of 1812 and whatever that Texas Revolution thing was.

I spent years reading answers to these questions: How/why did we overthrow the British tyranny? What drove the North and South to hate each other so much that it led to the near destruction of our young republic? Why did the U.S. wait so damn long before entering World War II? Why involve ourselves in Vietnam at all?

I think my love for this traces back to my childhood. In the post-9/11 world, I remember constantly asking my mom whether other countries were our "friends" or not. I quickly learned we did not like that man with the funny name, what was it--Osama bin Aladdin? And what about that Saddam guy?Why did both of these bad guys with bushy beards want to hurt us?

But it wasn't all bad--we had plenty of friends. I found it comforting the country with the cool maple leaf on its flag liked us. After seeing The Sound of Music, I never imagined Germany would be our friends. But they were! Really good friends, actually. How nice.

Like most kids, I saw things in black and white.

Like most kids, I've matured and forgotten those habits, and now the lines are blurred.

I know a lot of people. I went to a massive high school of 3000 students in upstate N.Y. I've held several jobs and internships and I've studied abroad and spent summers of my life at basketball camps (by the way, shout out to my former teammate Kevin Huerter, soon to be a first round NBA draft pick!) I graduated from a decently-sized state school. Now, I spend 45+ hours a week earning paychecks from a mammoth corporation.

I've got hundreds of numbers in my phone's contacts. Then there's the hundreds of social media friendships scattered throughout my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat channels.

All throughout my years in school, I thought my social circle defined me. The number of people, and the type of people, I surrounded myself with somehow implied definitive conclusions about who I was.

Today, at 22 years of age, I know I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Over the past year, I've made a commitment to cut down significantly on the number of people I allow into my life. I'm gutting my friends and followers by the hundreds on social media, forgoing the endorphin-raising arms race to see who can get the most likes on any given post. I've cut down my communications with many people I once found myself close to. Not because I dislike them or they did anything to wrong me, but rather because I just don't benefit from having that relationship anymore.

At this point, I want to focus on the friendships that are mutually beneficial. I want to give in every relationship, with the hope--although not the expectation--that I receive in return.

Kind of like how the U.S. agrees to defend Saudi Arabia from attack in a war-torn Middle East, so that we can have access to their petroleum-rich fields that will later fuel our cars and homes.

The bottom-line is this: Every relationship in your inner circle should serve a purpose. If it doesn't, it's another anchor in your life weighing you down, bringing forth undeserved stress you consciously aren't aware of. You certainly should hold on to those friendships out of your primary focus, whether it's the old college buddy or the person from the local gym that you hang out with from time to time. Those are necessary as well, because not every relationship requires a deeper connection. But for those closest to you, the ones you want to stick around for a long time, you need to make a decision on the future of those relationships.

I know I'm really not in a position to give advice to anyone. I'm just 22, and it scares me how little I know about what I don't know. But I've learned you don't need to hold on to relationships that just don't have any oomph to them anymore. People change, and people move on. That's OK, it's a fact of life. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad friend if you choose to cut ties with someone. You're just looking out for yourself, and no one can fault you for that.

If you find yourself engaging in one-sided relationships, where you are giving more than you're getting, maybe it's time to sit down with that person and have a conversation with him/her and determine what your future relationship will look like. I currently find myself juggling a few relationships that I'm not sure if I should hold on to. Or maybe, I should just remember the good times, let go, and embrace better relationships. These are tough conversations to have with yourself and with other people, but they're incredibly necessary and important.

You deserve to surround yourself with individuals who will help you grow and develop into the person you strive to become. Maybe you and these friends do something together to get out of your comfort zones. Maybe you'll struggle through that hot yoga class you've always wanted to try. It will be one hour of sweat-induced hell, but you'll have fought through it together. Or you go to that Yelp-approved restaurant you've been dying to go to with someone, and that someone will sit there and savor every bite with you while enjoying a meaningful conversation (phones away, please).

You should learn from your friends, and they should learn from you. You should offer your love and support to them. Tell them you're proud of them. Tell them you appreciate their presence in your life. In your busy and chaotic life, make time for them. Show them they're a priority. Take them out for a cup of coffee or even better, a pint of Sam Adams. Spread the love to the people in your life who deserve it, and you'll get it right back. If you don't, then you need to reconsider that relationship and find the right people instead.

Now that I think about it, maybe our president should reconsider his upcoming meeting with a certain North Korean dictator...