The Time I Met the President

One of the first pieces of advice given to me when I first started out in the corporate world was to try to meet as many people as I could.

I work for a global superpower in the media industry, a multi-billion dollar corporation led by tireless workaholics who make far-reaching decisions about every nanosecond of programming across television, radio and the worldwide web. The suits calling the shots are some of the wealthiest in the business, and the individuals holding the microphones wield some of the most powerful voices in our respective industry.

But believe it or not, they’re no different from you and me. No amount of dollars or influence can change the fact that they too were twentysomethings once upon a time.

And you’d be shocked at how willing these people are to help us.

Over my first year-and-change in the corporate world, I’ve met with vice presidents of differing entities and executive producers of award-winning TV shows. I’ve sipped sangria at a wedding party with my idol, one of the most well-known and respected names in the business.

But today, I walked through the double-doors and sat in the chair across from the president of the entire company.  For 25 minutes, one of the most powerful men in the media world spoke with me like we were buddies chatting it up at the coffee shop.

Like I always do when people are so gracious to give me their time, I peppered the president with questions. I wanted to know about leadership strategies, his daily habits and routines, the mantras he lives by, his mindset at 22 years old and how he manages to distance himself from the around-the-clock fires that need extinguishing.

On my way out, he stopped to commend me for actually reaching out to his secretary to set up a meeting with him. He’s laid out the offer to virtually the entire company’s 7,000+ employees, but people rarely take him up on it.

Sure, the meeting took place 50 days after I first inquired about it, but that’s the price we have to pay to speak with people like that. We just have to be persistent and do whatever we can to make it work.

The point is, people holding the positions we covet are all generally good people who remember once being in our shoes. They remember the times that someone helped them out or gave them advice when they needed it most. It’s a beautiful cycle, one that clearly not enough of us take advantage of.

So I implore you to take a chance. If you’re an aspiring heart surgeon, track down the e-mail of one of the best in the world and try to set up a Skype call. If a simple “no” or no response is the worst thing that can happen, I see no reason to not shoot your shot.

You may tell yourself you aren’t worth their time. But if you just take the leap, you’d be pleasantly surprised by the number of people who want to help you.

I know I have been. And isn’t that the kind of feel-good story we all need right now?

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One Heartbreaking Moment That Changed My Perspective

At this stage in our lives riddled with unanswered questions and unmet fears, the best way to help yourself is by helping others.

That’s why I’ve signed up for a mentoring program at my local elementary school. Over the next few months I’ll serve as a mentor and more importantly, a friend to an underprivileged student. One day per week, I’ll lend my time and ears to a 3rd grade boy who fails to receive the attention he deserves at home.

I met with my new buddy for the first time yesterday. We spoke for an hour about his hobbies and interests. He’s pretty normal -- he loves playing video games and watching movies. We bonded over our shared admiration for the Harry Potter series. All the talk of ghouls and goblins from that conversation inspired me to ask him what his trick-or-treating plans were for Halloween next week.

Avoiding eye contact, he looked down and said he hoped his uncle would take him, but that he wasn’t counting on it. I asked why his 22-year-old brother wouldn’t take him, and he said the brother was content staying upstairs playing video games all night.

I was dumbfounded. Trick-or-treating is practically a First Amendment right. I imagine the solid majority of us never had to worry about having someone to take us out for a few hours so we could kindly ask neighbors to spare a miniature Hershey bar for our little pumpkin baskets.

His response made me appreciate what I have and where I come from -- something none of us do enough. And as I’ve learned, one’s quality of life skyrockets once he/she learns how to live in a state of eternal gratitude.

The best way to find that gratitude is to learn how the other side lives. The underprivileged. The undernourished. The unappreciated. The unwanted.

Do that, and I promise your perspective will change. Once that happens, you’ll recognize how lucky you are to have the life you do.

“The struggle ends where the gratitude begins.” -- Neale Donald Walsch.

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You Don't Need a Fancy Title to be a Leader

Here’s what I’ve learned from my brief time in the adult corporate world:

The number of zeros on a paycheck stub corresponds directly to the amount of respect your subordinates should give you. A fancier and more descriptive job title equates to more money, power and influence. Therefore, we must treat a person with those credentials like some deified creature we need to thank our lucky stars for allowing us mortals to grace his or her presence on a daily basis. After all, they’ve earned such a status, so they’re the real leaders. Not us; we’re just the ants toiling about in the farm, secretly waiting for the Queen Bee to come give us the nod of approval.

And that’s just not a sound business model.

Anyone can demonstrate leadership skills. There’s no age, years of experience or job title that serves as the definitive threshold between leader and subordinate.

There’s this notion that just because one does his/her job the way one is supposed to, that no credit should be received and no praise given. If you’re just meeting expectations, then obviously you shouldn’t let anyone know how much you appreciate someone, right?

For this very reason, a dearth of essential skills plagues our “leaders” in the workplace, government, school systems, and more. If our leaders aren’t, well, leading, then we must take it upon ourselves to pick up the slack.

At this stage in our lives, many of us find ourselves stationed on the bottom rung of the corporate ladder and in one of the lower tiers of the socioeconomic food pyramid. But that doesn’t mean our voices can’t carry a significant weight. Quite often, poor cultures are established from the top-down, but nothing should stop us from trying to fix them from the ground-up.

So the next time someone steps up to the plate and helps you out with that project you’re working on, let that person know how much you appreciate the assistance. Psychologists study positive reinforcement for a reason. That reason being, IT WORKS. So no matter how big or small the task, even if it’s what’s expected of that person, the power of a “Great job, I really appreciate your help on this,” goes a long way.

And if you consistently dole out that praise, you’ll see a ripple effect across your sphere of influence. Positive reinforcement encourages us to practice behaviors that will earn a similar reward, therefore you’ll constantly have people doing what they’re supposed to, which increases productivity and makes everyone happier. People will then be inspired to go above and beyond because they know a token of appreciation awaits them at the end of the tunnel. In due time, this feeling will circulate and everyone will feel empowered to constantly lift people up, rather than let so many great efforts go completely unnoticed.

And that, my twentysomethings, is how you can play a role in creating a culture that our “leaders” too often fail to build themselves. A culture that will foster your growth and development and make you the best version of the person you're trying to become.

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Why I Don't Believe in the Long-Term

Most of us spend our entire adult lives looking for permanency. We want situations that can last for extended periods of time, ones that allow us to forgo the uncomfortable experience of adjusting to new situations. We seek comfort and security, and we’re failures if we wish for anything different.

When we set out in search of a partner to share all of life’s triumphs and travails with, it’s impressed upon us that we must commit to that person for the rest of our lives, that we must cede our freedom of choice and toss aside the notion of freewheeling dating forevermore.

When we do anything, whether it’s house hunting, finding the right gym, or even something as nonsensical as choosing a sports team to cheer for, we do so with the intention of marrying it for the long haul, because society demands that all decisions must be predicated on long-term stability. If we remove ourselves from our commitments, then we’re labeled as quitters, a title we work relentlessly to avoid at all costs.

However, the alarming levels of dissatisfaction across all areas of people’s lives can trace their roots to the very fact that people feel trapped -- in marriages, car leases, debt, contracts, memberships, magazine subscriptions and more -- in situations they cannot possibly remove themselves from. Those binding agreements suffocate us, preventing us from seeking out more appealing and fulfilling opportunities.

That’s why I’m not in search of permanency. Not a fan of the city I’ve lived in for eight months? Great, I’ll move somewhere more suitable to my needs.  Bored and/or complacent at this job I’ve held for two years? No problem, I’ll go find another one somewhere else that challenges me. If I’m truly unhappy with the outcome of a decision I’ve made, I should have the agency to be able to pick up and start anew. “Sticking it out” to avoid criticism for your choices is pointless.

Some may view this as a capricious way to live. On the contrary, I think it’s irresponsible to feel obligated to adhere to a certain circumstance or dogma for decades at a time. Am I not allowed to alter my values and beliefs? Can I not develop new preferences over time?

I find the embracing of change to be a noble pursuit. The transient nature in which I hope to live isn’t based on erratic decision-making, but rather on hours of calculated research and self-reflection regarding what I desire most. If I make a short-term decision that fails to meet my expectations, then putting out that small fire requires far fewer gallons of water than it would to extinguish the conflagration produced by a long-term decision gone awry.

We shouldn’t make life-changing decisions based on what’s best for us in the long-term. Instead, if we merely stack up beneficial short-term decisions over and over again, then we’ll arrive at the same “happy” place the other route is supposed to provide.

Except, by subscribing to this method, we’ll have a much greater chance of actually achieving it.

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Follow Your Nervous System

“Follow your heart” looks pretty good on the back of a car, doesn’t it?

Any time I consult someone else about a big decision in my adult life, a variation of the above cliche is generally the first thing I’ll hear.

And I’m tired of it.

As you all know, I’m approaching a big decision in my life. Much like LeBron James, a man I greatly admire, I have a feeling of which door I’ll open, but I truly won’t know until time forces me to choose.

But I can guarantee the “follow your heart” mantra won’t serve as my guiding principle. Because it’s B.S.

Instead, I’m choosing to follow my nervous system.

Whenever we’re making a decision, no matter how big or small, we need to listen to the chemistry happening within our bodies. You know that that surging rush of endorphins you receive whenever you get really excited about something? The one we millennials get when we think about traveling the world, or the one that has us stupidly smiling at our phones after we match with an attractive like-minded person on Bumble.

But for whatever reason, we don’t follow that one enough. Instead, we settle by constantly making decisions to meet others’ approval. We all deserve better, but oftentimes we prioritize what’s easy and comfortable over what’s right.

Think about it -- our brains know our innate desires and fears more intimately than anyone else does, so why do we allow people to dictate how we should run our lives? Why do we allow societal norms and expectations to script out our journeys without asking ourselves what it is we're truly seeking?

Surely, a strong, beating heart is what keeps us alive, but contrary to all of the fairy tales out there, it plays absolutely no role in emotional decision-making.

That excitement, that electric shock wave sent throughout our bodies, that’s what we must base our decisions on. Follow your nervous system.

How about you put that on a bumper sticker?

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14 Changes for Fall 2018

Regardless of age, we all go through periods of time where we detour from our journeys and lose sight of what's really important to us. We hit the gym hard for a couple months and feel confident about our re-discovered fountain of youth, only until we can’t go one day because of some other commitment, which again happens the next day, and the day after that…

That's OK. It's human nature -- I too periodically lose my sense of self and purpose.

Rather than drudge down the path of self-defeat, I choose to turn inward whenever I feel discontent. I firmly believe in constantly evaluating and re-evaluating one’s life direction, so that’s why I’m beginning my Seasonal Changes series. As the calendar changes seasons every three months, I think a perfect opportunity presents itself for me to reflect and ask myself what alterations I need to make to rejuvenate my life.

In no particular order, I present the 14 changes I’m making for the fall of 2018. I will do my very best to adhere to these guidelines for the next three months, and then I’ll reevaluate once winter welcomes us.

For the first eight habits, you’ll notice the Rule of Three, a spin-off of Joshua Fields-Millburn's Rule of Two.*

I care deeply about my health, so I’ve determined these eight behaviors as the most important to me for my physical and mental well-being. I must practice each behavior three times per week for the amount of time I’ve designated for it. Rather than beat myself up for not writing on a given day, I’m saying that as long as I follow the Rule of Three, I can permit myself to feel satisfaction. This is the bare minimum; if I do a certain activity more than three times per week, that’s certainly not a bad thing.

1. Writing (45 minutes per session)
2. Reading (30 minutes)
3. Walking (at least 30 minutes)
4. Push-ups (150 reps)
5. Squats (100 reps)
6. Core (10 minutes)
7. Meditation (10 minutes)
8. Call friends and family (No required duration)

The following behaviors do not follow the Rule of Three, but I still find them to be very important for my well-being.

1. Jar of Awesome**
1. I took what was once a container of almonds and transformed it into my “Jar of Awesome,” a small jar I keep in my bedroom. Every time I do something I’m proud of, no matter how big or small, I write on a small piece of paper what I did it and place it in the jar. I can then refer to the jar whenever I need something to smile about.
2. When doing creative work, put the phone in airplane mode
1. Whenever reading or writing or coming up with ideas, I will put my phone in airplane mode. If my mind is in other places, I’ll never produce the quality art I’m capable of.
3. Mindful eating
1. I’m a very healthy eater in terms of what I eat, but I never really take the time to enjoy it. I have to slow down when I eat and savor every bite, because eating healthy food is such a wonderful experience that I don’t appreciate enough.
4. Loving-kindness**
1. This theory posits that when you start to wish happiness upon others, you’ll become happier yourself. For example, if a random guy is texting someone as you walk by him, quietly tell yourself that you hope he’s telling his loving girlfriend that he’ll be home in 20 minutes to see her.
5. Peanut butter discipline
1. As we all know, one spoonful is never enough. It's the only food I struggle with eating too much of, therefore I’m limiting my peanut butter consumption to one spoonful per day.
6. Carry an idea notebook everywhere
1. Because I spend so much time alone with my thoughts, I constantly come up with ideas. The problem is, I often forget them if I don’t immediately write them down. From now on, everywhere I go, I will carry my backpack with me because it will always have my idea notebook ready to go with a pen.

Those are my changes this fall, what are yours?

*https://www.theminimalists.com/two/

**Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

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Stay or Go?

I often speak to my fellow dreamers about all of the things we want to accomplish in life -- the paths we wish to explore, the lives we hope to live, and the places we dream of going to. Although the idyllic rags-to-riches American Dream is still deeply embedded within us, the Googles and Instagrams of the world constantly expose us to different lifestyles with their filtered photographs of ornate architecture and cloudless skylines and teeming nightlife in cities spanning the globe. They’re beckoning us to come explore them in ways once unimaginable to the generations that have preceded us. Us millennials increasingly dream of the ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want, which leads me to my fundamental problem.

I need your help.

I’m currently at ESPN Radio in Central Connecticut. My contract expires in February, meaning I’ll have no reason to remain in this area. I’ve never had a “dream job,” but I have long coveted the chance to play a role -- any role -- in the production of a sports documentary or a long-form feature. Many of the films are rooted in historical subject matter, which often requires hours upon hours of research in libraries and archives. Once the information is gathered, a narrative can then be crafted through one’s writing and storytelling skills.

In my time here, I’ve made a great deal of connections and earned some respect, so much so that I’m confident I might be able to land myself in a program that could serve as a launchpad to the long-form platform at ESPN, which I believe offers the best in the business. I'm emotionally shaken to the core every single time I view one of their pieces, and the thought of one day playing a role in something like that sends chills down my spine.

However, it could take 1-3 more years of 50 hour weeks and overnight shifts and sleepless nights and holiday shifts. It will deplete my precious resources of time and energy and not allow for the early-to-bed, early-to-rise life I find myself craving every day. It will require me to constantly tie myself to technology while sitting in a chair for nine hours a day, two behaviors that I cringe upon thinking of.

Is that really worth it?

Because another part of me wants to completely drop everything and start anew somewhere else. Seriously, just pick a point on the map and go there. I’ll find my footing and pay the bills in more creative ways. I’ll live a more intentional life with less clutter and fewer possession and fewer commitments and fewer toxic people around me. I’ll have more time and energy to pursue the activities I love doing, like reading and writing and having meaningful conversation over a beverage of my choice. My heart tells me this is the time in my life to take the money I’ve saved and go out and see the country/world, meet new people, and certainly put myself in a number of uncomfortable situation, which is where the most growth happens.

Sure, staying at ESPN provides security and finances and benefits while the alternative may not. But if I stay here and continue my inevitable work-a-holic ways, I’m afraid I’ll never leave. I’m insanely competitive, and knowing my insatiable desire to outdo others, I’ll climb the ladder and eventually arrive at a place where I could never justify turning down undeniable prestige and a sexy paycheck.

My greatest fear in life is looking back with regrets. If I stay, will I regret never having taken advantage of the period of my life where I have absolutely nothing tying me to a certain place? If I go, will I regret turning my back on a job that I fantasized about for years in college and over the past 18 months? My head has one answer, while my heart gives me another.

I don’t know what to do. What do you think?